ah boy and ah ger in love

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Life is suppose to be good.

I have a husband, a daughter, a dog, our own flat, our own car and our own style of living.
However I'm not happy.

Why? How could I be happy when the basis of happiness is not there? The basis of happiness comes from within the family. My family is not complete in terms of love and concern. Now in my own family, my daughter could not bond with my husband, my husband could not bond with my piority in life and I simply could not accept the fact that the life I had always dreamt of living is so different from reality.

There are some breakthrough though like I never thought I would own a car before my 30th birthday but we did and I had also never expect to own a brand new car so soon! But we did. Our "Blanco" is with us for more than six months now! That's an achievement to me! More so since it required little or no external financial assistance. Same goes for our flat, our first asset! A five roomie for a pair of newly weds who have little CPF to start with. But we managed through savings and discipline. Again no external financial assistance here. So shouldn't I feel happy with these achievements? Well, I feel comforted to be able to afford such luxury but I guese it does not satisfy my emotional needs.

I'm a lover. I love romance, I love surprises. I love reading love notes, love letters. I love walking down the beach hand in hand. I love a day out with my husband and daughter. I love picnics by the sea, Pictures on MCDS websites touches my heart. I'm a lover of beautiful and natural things. But I realised those are not reality and it sucks! At least not my reality. And I start to wonder if those images are part of reality at all. (Please dont break my heart) The truth hurts I know, thank you.

Maybe life has been too good to me that I'm asking for more? Perhaps I have been so deprived of the basic that I'm demanding for them now. I don't know. What I know is I will never allow my daughter the opportunity to feel like this in future. She will be filled with my love, through and through. I have so much love to give anyway. As for now, I pray that my husband will learn to express his appreciation and start loving his life and whatever that comes with it. Like his flat, his car, his dog, his daughter and most importantly his wife. Life is short. Love it!

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angie and dave out @ 1:45 PM
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