Thursday, August 18, 2005
Life is suppose to be good.
I have a husband, a daughter, a dog, our own flat, our own car and our own style of living.
However I'm not happy.
Why? How could I be happy when the basis of happiness is not there? The basis of happiness comes from within the family. My family is not complete in terms of love and concern. Now in my own family, my daughter could not bond with my husband, my husband could not bond with my piority in life and I simply could not accept the fact that the life I had always dreamt of living is so different from reality.
There are some breakthrough though like I never thought I would own a car before my 30th birthday but we did and I had also never expect to own a brand new car so soon! But we did. Our "Blanco" is with us for more than six months now! That's an achievement to me! More so since it required little or no external financial assistance. Same goes for our flat, our first asset! A five roomie for a pair of newly weds who have little CPF to start with. But we managed through savings and discipline. Again no external financial assistance here. So shouldn't I feel happy with these achievements? Well, I feel comforted to be able to afford such luxury but I guese it does not satisfy my emotional needs.
I'm a lover. I love romance, I love surprises. I love reading love notes, love letters. I love walking down the beach hand in hand. I love a day out with my husband and daughter. I love picnics by the sea, Pictures on MCDS websites touches my heart. I'm a lover of beautiful and natural things. But I realised those are not reality and it sucks! At least not my reality. And I start to wonder if those images are part of reality at all. (Please dont break my heart) The truth hurts I know, thank you.
Maybe life has been too good to me that I'm asking for more? Perhaps I have been so deprived of the basic that I'm demanding for them now. I don't know. What I know is I will never allow my daughter the opportunity to feel like this in future. She will be filled with my love, through and through. I have so much love to give anyway. As for now, I pray that my husband will learn to express his appreciation and start loving his life and whatever that comes with it. Like his flat, his car, his dog, his daughter and most importantly his wife. Life is short. Love it!
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angie and dave out @ 1:45 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
http://www.familylife.org.sg/testimonials/te_abort_zacherystory.htmlAlmost cried when I read this. I didn't have the courage when I was pregnant and my gynea suspected abnormality with my blood test. I cried for days waiting for the results. We had to make a decision and we didn't have the courage to deal with differences. I prayed but I knew I can't do it without the support of my husband. It's OUR baby after all. It was a tiring and difficult period. We prayed for her to be alright. Thank you Lord! She's alright.
I guess that could be the reason why I loved joelle so much. WE been through a lot together.
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angie and dave out @ 3:53 PM
Monday, July 25, 2005
My younger brother Ian got married over the weekend. His church wedding is on Sat 23rd Jul 05 and his dinner is on Sun 24 Jul 05 at Plaza ParkRoyal hotel. He has a very nice cake and yummy too. Cakes from Prima Deli is actually worth trying. My daughter's birthday cakes are from Prima too. So far all praises and no complain about that place and its cakes.
This is one of the designs for his mass booklet cover. Both of them fussed so much over who should do the cover that my mum plea with me to end the saga so in 10 mins, I wipped out four designs for them to choose and they took all four.
This picture is very meaningful. My father's favourite son is now married. There is now a woman between them.
This is Keem, his new wife.
This is Fr. Richards from St. Anne's church, the same priest that host my matrimony too.
Looks like Joelle is the happiest of them all. I wonder why...
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angie and dave out @ 5:39 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
For the past few days, I have been doing alot of thinking. Now I understand why unemployment creates depression. When minds are not working, they tend to be passively soaking up negative vibes and I'm only talking about my two days of medical leave.
I was thinking (negatively) alot during those days. But to be fair, it was a thought I had for a long time but it just blew out of proportion during my mindlessness state. It was a disaster!
My daughter did not enjoy the kind of patience I had from my husband. She is in her terrible twos now and is really a pain. Perhaps being a mother I'm able to show her the kind of tolerance and understanding she deserves as a toddler. It's not her fault. It's just a stage of development. However my husband will express negatively upon her actions and that hurts me all the time.
Once he commented that she is the worst behaved child he has ever known and I felt so unjustified for Joelle. She has her good days too! I'm taught to praise on good behaviour and not focus on the bad ones in my child development classes and I always try to do that despite her "irritate mummy" spree. She's just 22 months, I always remind myself. Why can't daddy do that too? I feel so sad... And the worst thing daddy ever said was that my daughter will be a failure because her mummy spoiled her. That was the last blow! I sat down and told him we need to rethink our relationship. I spent 10 months expecting this baby and another 6 months suffering from the pain of a C-section and breastfeeding challenges not to have anyone threaten her dignity and confidence. She is my pride and joy and will always be my success in life!
That comment almost drove us to the lawyers. We decided to do some marriage counselling or should I call it parenting counselling together. It's very much needed as I feel that daddy didn't get a good influencing role model from his daddy. Like father like son. I should have known better ... and earlier too. Plans are being made to arrange for counselling together. I'm looking at the group 'parenting for fathers' and hopefully they have some kind of program that could guide daddy into becoming a more appreciative father.
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angie and dave out @ 3:21 PM
Thursday, July 07, 2005
We are back from our 5 days Bangkok trip. Well... I've learned quite a lot from this trip actually. For one, I've learned not to spend unnecessarily. Unlike the last trip to Bangkok when we were buying stuffs for our new house. We were so excited that we bought almost everything we fancied. This trip, we were buying stuffs for our daughter. Though I was picking out clothes for her all the time, we very much kept it at sales items only. Secondly, I found some cool shops in Chinatown. Really cheap if you buy more than six pieces and we visited more places this trip too. Pratunam market, bridge market etc... Lastly, I've also learn abit more about my husband. He's very private about his thoughts and emotions but I always believe in instinct especially a wife's instinct. Those stuffs might not be meant for this blog but it will definately be blogged in my memory. Our friends took some pictures and once ready I will load it up.
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angie and dave out @ 1:24 PM
